What in the world...

Exactly what this post is all about, 'nuff said, ish.

Another week had passed, and I received seven questions, which are by themselves are kinda… peculiar. See it for yourself here;

1. What is the definition of love?

2. Have one been romantically fallen in love and if does so, what did it felt?

3. Why is it often difficult to confess one's  feeling to a crush?

4. Why are some people are yet to jump into a relationship?

5. Why is it often difficult to look for partners?

6. When's the right time to start a pre-marital committed relationship?

7. Related to point 6, does one need to have a proper job and home before taking the shot?

I was hesitant initially to seek answers from the others, but then I told my self “bring it on!”, so here goes! 

First thing’s first, how the interviewees define love varies, but it all go to the line of being attracted to someone or something. Four interviewees gave further details, in which three elaborated further that in romantic sense also relates on how someone will feel that he is willing to devote his support and care of her, also hoping for the best in everything, in turn of himself being comfortable around the crush in question, it should be mutual. It is interesting to note that was also an interviewee who at times feel like love could be irrational, in a sense people might act without thinking two or three steps ahead beforehand.

Second one, well everyone did, it’s just natural. The interview result indicated that in general the lads often unable to describe how they felt during that time. Then again, they managed to describe the feeling as a mixture of tension and excitement. One of the interviewee elaborated that in romantic sense, he will start to take a sight of his special someone (will be abbreviated as SO from now on) from time to another as and up to eleven plus wanting to be around her when the crush in question is away and off-sight. Another one elaborated that he wanted to prove his worth to his crush via devoting his efforts for her, in a sense that the ultimate purpose is to keep her comfy and provide her necessities all the time.

Third, yeah, it is often difficult because mainly due to the subconscious of one fearing that he would be rejected on the spot, then there is this awkwarness and anxiousness emerging whenever the chance is ahead. One of the interviewee stated that at times he felt that he was yet enough for a long-term commitment and that it is not worth risking just to tell a crush how he felt. Another elaborated that it is difficult because if he is to take the shot, it has to be flawless without mistakes and also if the crush happened to be a close friend of his, he concerned that a wrong move might strain their friendship from then on, something he described as “scary” and I agree with him, he can not be blamed for stating that! Another one had similar elaboration but his words had been covered just previously, ish.

Going for the fourth, basically everyone agreed that it is either there are no one they felt to be well-matched yet as well as considering that a full-term relationship requires great commitment and sense of responsibility to fullfil whatever needed. It is mostly the matter of wanting to improve their own selves before leaping and taking the shot for a such relationship. 

Now, the fifth, various answers, from simply having no experiences and unable to convince the crush to just do it, to ones waiting for a better place and moment. First notable one is the interviewee to begin with do not go with the girls often and at the moment feeling difficult of getting personal. Another one also had the same feeling of being unable to maintain casual, often un-serious conversations that eventually will get personal. Another two stated that it was difficult because they had experienced going into girls but in the end disappointed because the girls were not like how they thought were like. One of the two just aforementioned furthermore added that his crush in question simply viewed him nothing more than a tool that will help her advance before moving on. Interestingly, a rather distinct opinion emerged in a sense that the difficulty of finding a partner is due to mutual agreement between both parties may only existing after the two had spent a lot of time and knowing each other well, something not that easy to pull off today, and also due to the decline of “political marriages” in which the partner of someone was determined by the parents, ish. 

Sixth and the Seventh or last one, here we go, everyone stated and agreed to the notion that starting a relationship is ideally after finishing the Graduate education and importantly, when both parties have prepared for a long-term commitment with each other. One even added the approximate age of around 23 or 24. The main reasons were to ensure that the relationship will go smoothly with no party burdening the other and vice versa. Then comes the last question of wether or not a bloke will need to possess proper job or even a place to live. Well, some stated that it was not necessary and that the partner’s relationships will start slow but going steadily. Another also stated that it was not imperative as long as each one are responsible, but would be much helpful if that happened. The others felt that having a job and/or a home is critical because in human society it is the man who is seen as the protector and main provider of the family, and thus having a secure job and a well-equipped home is imperative.

In order to summarise everything above, I would now say about the later questions that pledging one’s self for a relationship is often hindered by the facts finding a match might be difficult and complicated as well as needing themselves to be a better-prepared man before taking the shot. In the end, a long-term, committed relationship requires great sense of responsibility and quite often enhancing conditions such at being able to responsible and committed to maintain the relationship, and even better if a man is already able to provide resources and a place to live safely, it would much, much better. With that, I will be back another time.

 R.A.S. (10615040)

A matter or morality....

Humanity never cease to impress me...

It is generally a common knowledge that it is acceptable when people are being utilised for their – emphasis on “their” as this is not just about women despite the general views and cases – morphology such as face, hair, or physique for example, advertising cosmetics, hair care, and fashion products. However, in contrast it is greatly forbidden and frowned upon when instead people offering others ”services” with their reproductive organs. The thing is, of people falling into this category, they can be roughly divided into two subgroups; first is the ones who were paid to do the service i.e. prostitutes. Second, those who are willing to do it for free with certain friends but never involved in romantic ways, or known as “Friends with Benefits”, will be referred as FnB from here on, in several places.

Viewing those two subgroups, it should be a reasonable to see them as no different because essentially, utilising their reproductive organs for services is morally terrible and people who did that should be condemned for that no matter what. But, there is this everlasting perception that people consider still prostitutes as the worse of the two. So why is that? In order to seek out a greater point of view regarding this case, twelve interviewees were chosen and questioned for their opinions regarding the topic in the span of two days between 8^th to 9^th September, 2018.

The responses from the interviewees generally had the same points of views bar one. Nine of them commonly do agree that there are more negative views upon the prostitutes because of several aspects. First, they were seen as lower due to publicly declaring and promoting themselves that they would do “services” to be paid, thus they could be fully exposed to all sorts of people around for what they are doing. Second, prostitutes should have longer histories of getting into moments with greater number of patrons of various backgrounds, so surely the risks of getting sexually-transmitted diseases (STD) goes higher, especially considering the third aspect, that there often are no fundamentally mutual feelings between the prostitutes and their momentary partners, who the former see the other as only patrons and the latter whom views the prostitutes as nothing more than service-providers. This led to prostitutes may be hiding the facts that they had been transmitted STDs historically so they can still perform services for a living, thus risking their patrons with the diseases. Additionally, prostitutions are considered to be illegal in many countries and yet they still prevail undetected in more-secluded sections of the public, and thus people see them both as practicioners of morally forbidden activity as well as law-breakers.

On the contrary, the intervewees view the FnB as the lesser bad of the two for several reasons. The first one is that they do not openly declare that they will do sexual services to others and instead only with certain friends with mutual trusts, so their actions are not publicly exposed. Related to the second and third reasons for prostitutes, only the reverse, there should be lower risks of STD transmissions due to both partakers should have known each other better so that they should be sure that no infections will take place. Moreover, FnB conduct their acts usually for the sake of themselves as a rather peculiar form of social engagements to further strenghten their bonds simply as friends. It is interesting to note that this behaviour.

It is interesting to note that three of the interviewees have different views. The first one, whom had experienced life in Australia, where it can be said contemporary Western lifestyle, in which where the things discussed here often take place, is present. The interviewee had been living for nearly 2 years in Australia and had been knowing several Caucasian-descent friends with, of course, more free way of living than an Indonesian due to their customs and and environment. The interviewee told me during the interview that never she had seen or heard first or second-hand accounts of free-sex occurrences, and came to understanding and agreement that at least on where she was, people see prostitutes and FnB as the same and both were equally condemned for their actions. The second one has similar thoughts even without experiencing years of living abroad. She argues that wherever religious and cultural values are embraced upon by the public, people would by default go against both prostitutions and FwB-stuffs for what they do is quite often premarital sexual intercourses as well as one with person who is not the legal partner. In the end, what they do are equally amoral in the eyes of public.

The third interviewee with different perspective has a rather contrarian one, for in his personal point of view, the risks of STD transmission should be equal, and that the prostitutes should be one of the lesser “evil”. His arguments include the fact that, disregarding norms and customs, prostitutes did provide services commercially while in contrast, FwB do not. Further elaboration he had provided is that with FwB, one may never knew wether he or she may have already been in a romantic relationship or even married a legitimate and legal partner, which if the relations with a friend is caught red-handed, will very likely stir social issues such as partner-partner conflicts that may lead to break-ups, divorces, and thus the inner circle (i.e. family and friends) of the partnered friends with benefits thus may see the pair as disgraces and deny them acceptance.

Even so, the interviewees do agree that no matter what, in essences the actions both prostitutes and FnB took are nevertheless to be frowned upon, and in that regards, it all goes back to every regions and whatever faiths or cultural customs the people are following. The human society surely had been shaped by the customs and cultures growing alongside with the species from the beginning and it is nothing strange that getting involved on a sexual relations with ones not the legitimate partner is a no-no, even in communities contemporary people consider to be, less advanced. However, one could ask for him/herself, is all the unspoken agreement that sexual intercourses with randoms is frowned upon have something true on itself, or is it just a mask to hide a terrible truth? 

Well, perhaps it may be discussed another time, for it deserve its own focused attention.

R.A.S. (10615040)